WEBVTT

00:00:01.440 --> 00:00:04.560
Paisley: Hey, everyone. Me
again, Paisley, imperfect and

00:00:04.560 --> 00:00:07.140
today, just like every day, I
want to just jump right in.

00:00:08.400 --> 00:00:11.520
Something that's been standing
out to me lately is we've been

00:00:11.520 --> 00:00:17.820
talking about President Nelson's
a sisters, and how we can help

00:00:17.820 --> 00:00:20.960
make ourselves better, how we
can what we can work on the

00:00:20.960 --> 00:00:23.960
relationship. Thing has been
standing out to me, being able

00:00:23.960 --> 00:00:26.780
to work on our relationships,
and building relationships,

00:00:26.840 --> 00:00:30.860
specifically with those who are
not members of the church. And

00:00:31.280 --> 00:00:34.520
remember, I don't know if you
remember that quote, we talked

00:00:34.520 --> 00:00:39.140
about, a quote from Sister
Eubank weeks ago. She was

00:00:39.140 --> 00:00:44.620
actually summarizing President
Kimball, President Kimball's

00:00:44.680 --> 00:00:48.220
quote that President Nelson re
quoted, and then she re quoted

00:00:49.060 --> 00:00:56.740
about how the church's growth
would be largely because of the

00:00:56.740 --> 00:01:00.180
relationships that the Sisters
of the church are building with

00:01:00.300 --> 00:01:05.460
other women outside the church.
And she gave us these two bullet

00:01:05.460 --> 00:01:08.820
points. She said it will be the
good relationships of women that

00:01:08.820 --> 00:01:11.580
will trigger much of the major
growth coming to the church in

00:01:11.580 --> 00:01:14.640
the years ahead. And she said
the friendships that Relief

00:01:14.640 --> 00:01:17.940
Society women, young women and
primary girls build with

00:01:17.940 --> 00:01:21.260
sincere, faithful, godly women
and girls of other faiths and

00:01:21.260 --> 00:01:24.380
beliefs will be a significant
force in how the church grows in

00:01:24.380 --> 00:01:27.800
the last days. So she gave us
those two bullet points, and

00:01:28.160 --> 00:01:30.680
this whole relationship thing
just has

00:01:31.760 --> 00:01:35.240
just kind of been tickling my
brain. So how do we build these

00:01:35.240 --> 00:01:38.480
relationships? And rather than
just jumping into a whole bunch

00:01:38.480 --> 00:01:41.260
of quotes, I kind of I wanted to
take a different approach and

00:01:41.260 --> 00:01:42.340
just think about it

00:01:43.360 --> 00:01:47.800
from a common sense perspective.
I do have some quotes, and I

00:01:47.800 --> 00:01:52.120
will share them later, but
first, I just kind of wanted to

00:01:52.120 --> 00:01:55.300
think about it from like as
common sense. So

00:01:56.380 --> 00:01:59.920
we know, we know the golden
rule, right, do unto others as

00:01:59.920 --> 00:02:03.360
you would have others do unto
you, or in other words, treat

00:02:03.360 --> 00:02:08.400
others with kindness, be nice to
them. Jesus gave us the two

00:02:08.400 --> 00:02:11.820
great commandments, love God,
and then love your neighbor as

00:02:11.820 --> 00:02:14.640
thyself as yourself. Love your
neighbor as yourself.

00:02:16.200 --> 00:02:20.100
And so that tells us again, love
other people, treat them with

00:02:20.100 --> 00:02:23.480
kindness. And then we could
paraphrase King Benjamin from

00:02:23.480 --> 00:02:27.080
the Book of Mormon and come to
the conclusion that to love

00:02:27.080 --> 00:02:28.640
others is to serve others.

00:02:29.660 --> 00:02:33.080
And then, I don't know about the
rest of you, but there's a

00:02:33.140 --> 00:02:35.420
there's been this phrase that's
been popping up in my life,

00:02:36.920 --> 00:02:41.440
specifically over maybe the last
year or so, maybe not even that

00:02:41.440 --> 00:02:46.180
long, but people say it to me
all the time, or I hear them say

00:02:46.180 --> 00:02:49.180
it to each other, or I've heard
I just, I keep hearing this

00:02:49.180 --> 00:02:53.560
phrase, give yourself grace. Or
give them some grace.

00:02:55.360 --> 00:03:00.100
Give it to yourself. Give it to
others. But show, show grace,

00:03:00.160 --> 00:03:05.100
show latitude, give people the
benefit of the doubt. As you

00:03:05.100 --> 00:03:11.460
interact with your friends, do
so with kindness and compassion,

00:03:11.820 --> 00:03:14.640
giving them the benefit of the
doubt and letting them,

00:03:16.260 --> 00:03:20.960
letting them do or get or say
what they need,

00:03:22.520 --> 00:03:22.880
and

00:03:24.860 --> 00:03:30.620
then don't assume the worst. Try
to trust people. Trust people

00:03:30.620 --> 00:03:32.360
until they give you a reason not
to.

00:03:33.500 --> 00:03:35.480
I usually do things the other
way around.

00:03:36.620 --> 00:03:41.620
I wait, I hold trust until
they've earned it. But,

00:03:42.760 --> 00:03:44.980
and that's something that I've
actually been working on for

00:03:44.980 --> 00:03:48.880
years, is try and trust, trust
people until they give me a

00:03:48.880 --> 00:03:53.200
reason not to not quite there
yet, but I'm working on that.

00:03:53.860 --> 00:03:57.400
And so as I was putting together
all of these, as I was putting

00:03:57.400 --> 00:04:01.020
together my thoughts for this, I
did come across an article from

00:04:01.440 --> 00:04:06.780
August 2018 in the Liahona
Ensign back then. And if you

00:04:06.780 --> 00:04:13.140
remember in it was in April of
2018 when visiting teaching and

00:04:13.140 --> 00:04:16.560
home teaching was switched to
ministering. And I don't want to

00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:20.960
make I don't want to make this
about ministering. I want to

00:04:20.960 --> 00:04:24.380
keep this on relationship
building. I just want to share

00:04:24.380 --> 00:04:28.460
this one statement from that
article, and this is what it

00:04:28.460 --> 00:04:29.300
opens up with

00:04:30.320 --> 00:04:32.960
the article, by the way, is
called building meaningful

00:04:32.960 --> 00:04:37.760
relationships again, August of
2018 it says the invitation to

00:04:37.760 --> 00:04:40.660
minister to others is an
opportunity to build caring

00:04:40.660 --> 00:04:43.900
relationships with them, the
kind of relationship that would

00:04:43.900 --> 00:04:48.040
make them comfortable asking for
or accepting our help when we

00:04:48.040 --> 00:04:51.340
have made the effort to develop
that kind of relationship, God

00:04:51.340 --> 00:04:55.060
is able to change lives on both
sides of the relationship.

00:04:56.080 --> 00:04:59.920
So while that specifically is
talking about ministering.

00:05:00.780 --> 00:05:04.740
I don't think that it's
exclusive. I think that as we

00:05:04.740 --> 00:05:09.120
work to build our relationship,
and we put in the effort, we put

00:05:09.120 --> 00:05:10.320
in some genuine,

00:05:11.940 --> 00:05:17.100
loving, compassionate effort,
then the Lord can change both

00:05:17.100 --> 00:05:21.020
our life and the life of the
person with whom we are building

00:05:21.020 --> 00:05:21.920
this relationship.

00:05:24.080 --> 00:05:27.320
This article offers five points
for us to focus on as we build

00:05:27.320 --> 00:05:31.160
these relationships, and
remember how we started out just

00:05:31.160 --> 00:05:34.040
a couple minutes ago with common
sense, right?

00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:39.320
Be nice, share like the things
that we learn in kindergarten.

00:05:40.100 --> 00:05:43.720
These five points are not things
that are new. They're not things

00:05:43.720 --> 00:05:47.620
you've never heard before.
They're simple, easy,

00:05:48.700 --> 00:05:51.940
easy, so simple and easy are not
the same, right? They're these.

00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:54.700
These five points are very
simple. They are not always

00:05:54.700 --> 00:05:57.520
going to be easy. Number one,
for example, is spend time

00:05:57.520 --> 00:06:00.960
together. How much time do you
have to spend with your friends.

00:06:01.500 --> 00:06:03.900
I have three little kids. I
don't have much time to spend

00:06:03.900 --> 00:06:06.900
with my friends. In fact, a
couple of my friends were over

00:06:06.900 --> 00:06:10.020
on a Sunday afternoon a couple
of weeks ago to work on some

00:06:10.020 --> 00:06:14.100
family history stuff together.
And I was mentioning how, like,

00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:17.040
you know, when you're in junior
high or high school or

00:06:17.040 --> 00:06:19.800
elementary school, as you're
growing up as a kid, you think

00:06:20.640 --> 00:06:23.240
your best friend is somebody
that you spend all of your time

00:06:23.240 --> 00:06:26.660
with. You have sleepovers at
their house. You go with their

00:06:26.660 --> 00:06:30.200
family out to dinner, or you you
go do things with them. You

00:06:30.260 --> 00:06:33.620
you're with them all the time.
But then, when you get older and

00:06:33.620 --> 00:06:38.120
you have your own family, when?
When are you going to do that?

00:06:38.960 --> 00:06:42.280
She's driving her kids to soccer
practice, and I'm driving my

00:06:42.280 --> 00:06:46.060
kids to piano lessons, and like
when

00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:53.320
so simple, not necessarily easy,
but in this article, I really

00:06:53.320 --> 00:06:55.900
liked how it doesn't say that we
have to show up at their house

00:06:55.900 --> 00:07:00.420
every day or even every month.
It boils it down to letting

00:07:00.420 --> 00:07:04.800
people know that you care. And
one of the quotes from this

00:07:04.800 --> 00:07:08.040
article said, talk to them at
church, use whatever additional

00:07:08.040 --> 00:07:11.040
means makes sense, such as
email, Facebook, Instagram,

00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:15.000
Twitter, Skype, phone calls or
sending a card. The point is, be

00:07:15.000 --> 00:07:16.920
present in their life,

00:07:18.300 --> 00:07:21.020
if that means that you can show
up at their front door. Cool. Go

00:07:21.020 --> 00:07:24.440
show up at their front door if
it doesn't find a different way.

00:07:26.060 --> 00:07:30.080
But it has to be genuine, and it
has to be sincere. You can see

00:07:30.080 --> 00:07:32.360
through it. If I showed up at
your house and it was like, hey,

00:07:32.360 --> 00:07:33.500
I want to be your friend,

00:07:34.520 --> 00:07:37.340
you could see right through it.
If I was just showing up at your

00:07:37.340 --> 00:07:39.560
house to be your friend, because
I wanted to,

00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:43.540
I don't know I wanted you to
bake me something, so I'm going

00:07:43.540 --> 00:07:46.000
to show up at your house and be
your friend until you bake me

00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:46.660
that thing like

00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:50.800
you're going to see right
through that everybody else is

00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:54.040
going to see right through that
if you do that to them. So just

00:07:54.040 --> 00:07:59.020
don't be genuine and be sincere.
Don't force it. But also make

00:07:59.020 --> 00:08:01.900
sure you give it some time.
You're not going to make friends

00:08:01.900 --> 00:08:04.800
with everybody right away. I
have said it many times, I am an

00:08:04.800 --> 00:08:09.180
acquired taste. I do not always
make friends right away. Usually

00:08:09.180 --> 00:08:12.960
people think that I hate them
right off the bat.

00:08:14.280 --> 00:08:16.500
It's just the blessing of my
face.

00:08:18.720 --> 00:08:21.620
So it's important to give it
some time and be genuine.

00:08:22.760 --> 00:08:25.760
The second point was to learn
about them. Write things down if

00:08:25.760 --> 00:08:28.340
you need to. My husband is
really, really good at this

00:08:28.640 --> 00:08:32.960
whenever he's talking to
somebody new, and he whenever he

00:08:32.960 --> 00:08:35.180
gets to a point in a
relationship where he's like, I

00:08:35.180 --> 00:08:36.500
really like this person.

00:08:37.940 --> 00:08:39.680
I feel like they're my friend.

00:08:40.760 --> 00:08:43.720
He started this with his home
teaching families. Again, I'm

00:08:43.720 --> 00:08:45.220
not making this about home
teaching

00:08:46.360 --> 00:08:49.720
he started, but this is how it
started. He started it with

00:08:49.720 --> 00:08:52.960
them, but he finds out people's
birthdays are important, days,

00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:56.140
birthdays, anniversaries. He's
got the birthdays for the next

00:08:56.140 --> 00:08:59.740
door neighbors in his phone, and
every year, when they come up,

00:08:59.740 --> 00:09:02.820
he sends them a text, and
sometimes it's the only text he

00:09:02.820 --> 00:09:05.880
sends them. Every year, he'll
kind of chuckle sometimes and be

00:09:05.880 --> 00:09:09.720
like, Oh, darn it. The last time
I sent this person a text was

00:09:09.720 --> 00:09:12.240
last year on their birthday, you
know, as he's typing it into his

00:09:12.240 --> 00:09:12.900
phone, whatever.

00:09:14.400 --> 00:09:18.840
But he's really good at letting
them know, Hey, I have not

00:09:18.840 --> 00:09:21.320
forgotten about you. You are
still important enough in my

00:09:21.320 --> 00:09:24.500
life for me to send you a
birthday text, and he thinks

00:09:24.500 --> 00:09:27.620
about him all day. He'll, he'll
send me a text, hey, just

00:09:27.620 --> 00:09:30.320
remember it's so and so's
birthday today, because he knows

00:09:30.320 --> 00:09:35.000
I, I that's just not my thing.
So he'll, he'll send me a text

00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:36.740
and tell me to to send it to

00:09:37.820 --> 00:09:40.220
so learn about people and
remember what they care about.

00:09:40.760 --> 00:09:43.660
Number three is communicate with
caring. And to quote the

00:09:43.660 --> 00:09:46.120
article, it says building
meaningful relationships

00:09:46.120 --> 00:09:50.080
requires us to go beyond the
superficial. Listening is a

00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:53.080
critical part of communicating
that you care. When you listen

00:09:53.080 --> 00:09:56.200
carefully, your opportunity to
help others come into Christ

00:09:56.200 --> 00:09:59.200
increases as you gain
understanding and insight into

00:09:59.200 --> 00:09:59.920
their needs and.

00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:04.980
They feel loved, understood and
safe. That one I think, is

00:10:05.280 --> 00:10:09.360
they're all very applicable to
building relationships with

00:10:09.360 --> 00:10:14.580
people who are not of our faith
and not of our religion, not of

00:10:14.580 --> 00:10:17.280
our background. Building
meaningful relationships

00:10:17.280 --> 00:10:21.260
requires that we listen, pay
attention, put the birthday in

00:10:21.260 --> 00:10:26.300
your phone and be able to come
back to that information later,

00:10:26.720 --> 00:10:30.620
which is going to come in handy
with number five. Number four is

00:10:30.620 --> 00:10:34.040
appreciate differences as well
as commonalities. I have said

00:10:34.040 --> 00:10:39.080
this 1000 times in my life. We
were not and I'll keep saying it

00:10:39.080 --> 00:10:42.520
till the day I die, we were not
put here on this earth one

00:10:42.520 --> 00:10:46.360
person at a time. We know that
this earth is a test. We know

00:10:46.360 --> 00:10:49.660
that we are being tested and
tried and refined so that we can

00:10:49.660 --> 00:10:52.360
become more like our heavenly
father, but he didn't send us

00:10:52.360 --> 00:10:53.440
here one at a time.

00:10:54.760 --> 00:10:59.569
It's not an individual exam that
we're trying to pass. This is a

00:10:59.644 --> 00:11:04.454
group project, if you will, and
we can benefit from what we have

00:11:04.529 --> 00:11:08.887
in common, and we can benefit
from our differences. So the

00:11:08.963 --> 00:11:13.622
example that came to my mind as
I was kind of thinking through

00:11:13.697 --> 00:11:18.131
this a little bit earlier, we
have a set of missionaries in

00:11:18.206 --> 00:11:22.790
our ward. One is from a town in
Utah I've never heard of, and

00:11:22.865 --> 00:11:27.524
now can't remember the name of
and the other one is from South

00:11:27.599 --> 00:11:32.033
Korea. Very, very different,
very different backgrounds. In

00:11:32.108 --> 00:11:36.542
South Korea, you're required to,
you're required to provide

00:11:36.617 --> 00:11:37.820
military service

00:11:38.840 --> 00:11:42.280
as soon as you turn 18. And so
the elder from South Korea, he's

00:11:42.280 --> 00:11:46.300
23 he's already he's done his
service to his country, and now

00:11:46.300 --> 00:11:49.180
he's serving a mission, because
it's important to him. So these

00:11:49.180 --> 00:11:54.100
two elders have something very,
very, very important in common,

00:11:54.100 --> 00:11:56.740
their testimony of Jesus Christ,
and their testimony of the

00:11:56.740 --> 00:11:59.800
restored gospel, their testimony
of Joseph Smith, of the Book of

00:11:59.800 --> 00:12:03.180
Mormon, Latter Day profits, all
of those things they have, all

00:12:03.180 --> 00:12:04.500
of those things in common.

00:12:05.520 --> 00:12:07.380
Their upbringing is very
different.

00:12:08.460 --> 00:12:14.880
Their age is very different. One
is 18, one is 23 that's a that's

00:12:14.880 --> 00:12:18.300
kind of a big gap. It's getting
a little bit smaller when you

00:12:18.300 --> 00:12:21.620
get to that age, but it's still,
it's still a significant gap. My

00:12:21.620 --> 00:12:25.100
husband left and went on his
mission at 23 after he served in

00:12:25.100 --> 00:12:30.140
the Marine Corps, and they used
to call him grandpa, like it's

00:12:30.500 --> 00:12:37.100
it's a thing, right? But they
can both benefit from the

00:12:37.100 --> 00:12:40.040
differences and the
commonalities, just like we can.

00:12:40.400 --> 00:12:43.360
We can benefit from the
differences and commonalities

00:12:43.780 --> 00:12:46.840
from anybody, people that we go
to church with, people that we

00:12:46.840 --> 00:12:51.820
don't go to church with. We were
not placed on this earth alone

00:12:51.880 --> 00:12:55.300
to go through this test alone.
We have a community. We have a

00:12:55.300 --> 00:12:55.840
village.

00:12:57.160 --> 00:13:00.600
And then number five, be
sensitive to the people that you

00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:03.540
serve, and serve them in ways
that they need.

00:13:05.580 --> 00:13:08.880
The only example that is coming
to mind is blueberries. I do not

00:13:08.880 --> 00:13:13.020
like blueberries. I don't I've
never liked blueberries. They're

00:13:13.020 --> 00:13:17.340
even worse when they're put in
some nasty blueberry muffin

00:13:17.340 --> 00:13:19.980
that's been sitting in a package
on a shelf. Do not bring me

00:13:19.980 --> 00:13:22.820
blueberry muffins. I do not like
them. Sam, I am

00:13:26.050 --> 00:13:34.600
so but some very well meaning
person could show up at my door

00:13:34.600 --> 00:13:37.750
with blueberry muffins, and I
would smile, and I would nod,

00:13:37.750 --> 00:13:39.820
and I would say, thank you.
Thank you very much for my

00:13:39.820 --> 00:13:42.550
blueberry muffins, and I would
appreciate them, and I would

00:13:42.550 --> 00:13:45.880
feed them to my kids, but I
would not eat them

00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:54.760
that the service isn't wasted on
me, and I still hope and pray

00:13:54.760 --> 00:13:58.930
that that person would get the
blessings that they deserve for

00:14:01.510 --> 00:14:04.030
going outside of themselves and
doing something kind for someone

00:14:04.030 --> 00:14:07.510
else. It did not necessarily
bless my life.

00:14:09.070 --> 00:14:13.300
Serve others. Be sensitive
enough to the people around you

00:14:13.480 --> 00:14:16.450
that you can serve them in the
ways that they need to be

00:14:16.450 --> 00:14:20.050
served. You can be there to this
is a quote from the article. You

00:14:20.050 --> 00:14:23.440
can be there to provide comfort,
support and needed help when

00:14:23.440 --> 00:14:26.530
there is an emergency illness or
urgent situation, but in too

00:14:26.530 --> 00:14:28.930
many relationships, we are
reactive,

00:14:30.280 --> 00:14:35.200
and it's possible to be
proactive. When we're paying

00:14:35.200 --> 00:14:37.390
attention to our friends and
we're spending time with them

00:14:37.390 --> 00:14:40.060
and we're communicating and
we're listening, we can be

00:14:40.060 --> 00:14:40.900
proactive.

00:14:42.220 --> 00:14:47.410
Case in point on Sunday was not
having a super fantastic day.

00:14:47.890 --> 00:14:51.370
And there was this one
particular friend who I knew if

00:14:51.370 --> 00:14:54.760
she looked at my face, or if I
looked her in the eyes, she

00:14:54.760 --> 00:14:59.800
would know. So I just kind of
avoided her on Sunday was just

00:14:59.800 --> 00:14:59.980
like.

00:15:00.010 --> 00:15:02.290
I don't I don't want to talk
about it. I don't want to deal

00:15:02.290 --> 00:15:06.400
with it. I just want to, I want
to be here at church. I want to

00:15:06.400 --> 00:15:09.430
feel the Spirit in my Sunday
school class, and then I want to

00:15:09.430 --> 00:15:13.720
go home and take a nap. Or I
want there's no taking a nap

00:15:13.720 --> 00:15:16.390
around here on Sunday, we had a
baptism after church. There was

00:15:16.390 --> 00:15:20.650
plenty to do. But I just, I
don't want to talk about it, I

00:15:20.650 --> 00:15:25.480
don't want to deal with it. I
will be fine, and so I just kind

00:15:25.480 --> 00:15:30.100
of avoided her, and she texted
me later that day.

00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:34.960
She knew I didn't even have to
make eye contact with her. I

00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:37.960
passed her in the hallway one
time. She was talking to someone

00:15:37.990 --> 00:15:40.600
else and I was talking to my
child,

00:15:41.980 --> 00:15:45.430
she just knew because she
listens and she pays attention

00:15:46.420 --> 00:15:50.260
and she's learned things about
me, and so she texted me later

00:15:50.260 --> 00:15:55.570
that day and pulled it all out
of me, and within an hour, hour

00:15:55.570 --> 00:15:58.180
and a half, I felt 1000 times
better.

00:15:59.950 --> 00:16:02.950
I could have avoided all of that
if I had just talked to her in

00:16:02.950 --> 00:16:03.910
the first place.

00:16:06.460 --> 00:16:09.430
Okay, none of these five. Let's
just do a quick review. Number

00:16:09.430 --> 00:16:12.910
one, spend time together. Number
two, learn about them. Number

00:16:12.910 --> 00:16:16.600
three, communicate with caring.
Four, appreciate differences as

00:16:16.600 --> 00:16:20.290
well as commonalities. And
number five, serve none of these

00:16:20.290 --> 00:16:22.870
five relationship builders are
exclusive to members of the

00:16:22.870 --> 00:16:25.660
Church of Jesus, Christ of
Latter Day, saints. None of them

00:16:25.660 --> 00:16:29.170
are exclusive to your family.
None of them are exclusive only

00:16:29.170 --> 00:16:33.130
to your best friends that you
already have. These are ways

00:16:33.130 --> 00:16:35.410
that we can build relationships
with anyone.

00:16:36.520 --> 00:16:40.300
And as we pay attention,
heavenly Father will point out

00:16:40.300 --> 00:16:47.380
the people that he has placed us
in the path of and we can help

00:16:47.380 --> 00:16:56.740
them okay with that. I'm just
going to close by reminding you

00:16:56.740 --> 00:16:59.170
that self improvement is a
journey that we take together.

00:17:00.490 --> 00:17:04.060
So let's continue to support and
inspire each other along the

00:17:04.060 --> 00:17:07.270
way. Thank you so much for being
here with me. I appreciate your

00:17:07.270 --> 00:17:07.570
time.