Paisley: Hey everybody, welcome back Paisley and perfect. Here
again, and today we're going to talk some more about families in
2015 sister Bonnie Oscarson, she was the young women general
president at the time. She gave a talk called defenders of the
family proclamation. You may remember President Hinckley
presented the family proclamation in 1995 during the
women's session of General Conference. And so she talks
about how it's been 20 years. Can you believe it's almost been
30 years now, since then, since the family Proclamation was
given. Anyway, her talk is called defenders of the family
proclamation, and that's the one that I want to focus on today.
And I want to start with a quote from the talk that kind of backs
up and confirms what we talked about in the last episode, that
all families are different, and not all of us have the ideal.
Here's what she said. Quote, may I point out something obvious,
life rarely goes exactly according to plan for anyone,
and we are very aware that not all women are experiencing what
the proclamation describes. It is important to understand and
teach the Lord's pattern and strive for the realization of
that pattern the best we can Okay, so the way that I put it
in the last episode was, not everybody's going to get the
ideal, but we have to teach it, because we need to know what
we're supposed to strive for. We need to know what we're supposed
to try for, and that's what she's saying. It is important to
understand and teach the Lord's pattern and strive for the
realization of that pattern the best, the best we can so see our
church leaders do see us. They do know that there are those of
us who don't have the ideal and possibly never, will never will
have the ideal. She continues with this quote, each of us has
a part to play in the plan, and each of us is equally valued in
the eyes of the Lord. We should remember that a loving Heavenly
Father is aware of our righteous desires and will honor His
promises that nothing will be withheld from those who
faithfully keep their covenants. Heavenly Father has a mission
and a plan for each of us, but he also has his own timetable.
One of the hardest challenges in this life is to have faith in
the Lord's timing. It's a good idea to have an alternative plan
in mind which helps us to be covenant keeping charitable and
righteous women who build the kingdom of God no matter which
way our lives go, we need to teach our daughters to aim for
the ideal, but plan for contingencies. Aim for the
ideal, but have a backup plan. Now, I don't know about you, but
nobody told me about this backup plan idea. I remember being in
my young women classes and firesides and all of those other
things, and really only hearing about the ideal. So when I had
my plan, I had a plan A, and that's it. I had a plan A. But
how many of us are actually living in the backup plan,
whether we had one or not. How many of us are actually living
the backup plan? My Plan A was. My Plan A was exactly what my
leaders told me it should be. Find a worthy young man who
could take me to the temple plan to be a mom and to stay home
with my kids. That was my plan. A and then every once in a
while, somebody would throw in something like, oh, you should
also get an education, because if you're an educated women, if
you're an educated woman, then your children will want to be
educated too. Okay, but my plan was find the worthy young man
who could take me to the temple, get married in the temple, have
kids, buy a house, two cars, because I was going to need to
drive them places, and he was going to need to drive to work
and live happily ever after, that was the plan. Well, with
that in mind, I suppose you could say that I'm living some
sort of random Plan C. I don't know. It's probably further
along than Plan C. It felt like the plan kept changing. Right?
As most of you know those who've been with me for a little while,
my life did not work out according to my plan. Yes, I
found my worthy young man who could take me to the temple. I
didn't find him until I was 23 he left to go on a mission at 23
and we got married when nine. Too long after you got home at
25 by then, my little sister was married, and so were most of my
friends, and so I already I felt like I was behind there. So
first of all, if you're young and you're listening to this,
there's nothing to get there's nothing to get behind. You can't
be behind because there's nothing to get there's nothing
to be behind. Anyway, I felt like I was behind because I was
old. I was 25 and I was getting married at 25 but still, I found
my worthy young man, and I was going to the temple, I was
getting married in the temple, and I was going to have my kids
and get my house and my cars and everything was going to be fine.
It's going to be the stay at home mom and the PTO and all
that stuff. And it was going to be great, right? So I'm still,
I'm still on track for planning just a little bit. It took a
little bit longer than I thought, um, but then the kids
didn't come, and then they didn't come some more, and then
they still didn't come. For 11 years, they still didn't come.
And it wasn't until I was 3434 and still childless, and I
finally decided, you know, I should probably like come up
with a plan B. The kids clearly aren't coming, so maybe I should
do something else. And by then, I was working full time and a
job that I loved. I was learning a ton, and I was finding out
that I was actually kind of good at some of the stuff that I was
learning how to do. And so right around that time, I had been
praying for years. I'd always wanted a college degree. It
didn't work out for me for various reasons, which maybe
I'll go into someday, that didn't work out for me. I went
to the University of Utah straight out of high school.
Lasted up there for a couple of years. I loved the university. I
loved being in Salt Lake, mostly, but I didn't know what
opportunities and such were available to me, and for a lot
of different reasons, I left school and came back home. And I
had always wanted to go back. I had always wanted to go back,
but I couldn't, I couldn't figure out how to go back to
school and work full time. And then BYU Idaho released the
pathway program, and the second I heard about it, I signed up
for the fireside. I went. I signed up for classes. I was in
the first wave of classes down here. Started with pathway
immediately got admitted to BYU Idaho, and did all the rest of
my degree online. I started when I was 34
um, so any I guess you could call this my de facto Plan B,
right, something I just fell into. I had a job I loved. I was
I was getting to go back to school. The kids weren't coming.
I had the husband. I had the cars. I had the house. Did not
have the kids, and now I was going to go get a degree, so
it took me six years to finish. It took me six years to finish
the degree because working full time, I could only take two
classes a semester. I had a lot of those credits from the
University of Utah, and then I had also taken some classes at
the local community colleges down here in San Diego. And so I
had some credits that, the that the that BYU, Idaho took and
accepted towards my degree. So I only had to go for six years. I
could make it work in six years. By the time I finished, I had an
almost two year old and was about four months pregnant with
twins. I graduated in July of 2018 had my twins in November of
2018 and I turned 40 in December of 2018 that was not the plan.
You're supposed to have your degree. Now I'm not saying
you're supposed to have your degree. Back then, I thought I
was supposed to have my degree by the time I was 23 right? You
graduate from high school at 18, four years that's 2423 tops
right? 2324 Wait, I can't do math. Graduate from high school
when you're 18, you're supposed to graduate from college when
you're 22 be all ready to go and know exactly what you want to do
with your life by the time you're 23 that's how I thought
things were supposed to be, and that's what I thought planning
was going to do. Well, here I am, 40, in a job that I love.
Finally have my business degree and plunging right into Plan C
or. Whatever letter we were at by this time, because things
kept changing. Anyway, I'm sharing this because I don't
think that very many of us are actually living our plan a I
know very few people who are living the plan they had when
they graduated from high school and started college, or even the
plan they had when they graduated from college. Very few
people are actually living that plan. But if we go back to her
quote, she said, each of us has a part to play in the plan, and
each of us is equally valued in the eyes of the Lord, so it
doesn't matter which version of the plan that we're on, whether
you're on your A, B, C, D, or J, K, L, M, N, O, P, it doesn't
matter which version of your plan that you're on, you still
have a part in his plan, and nobody can can play that part
like you can. So another quote from Sister Oscarson, we have
opportunities and possibilities which no other generation of
women has had in the world, let us help build the kingdom of God
by standing up boldly and being defenders of marriage,
parenthood and the home The Lord needs us to be brave, steadfast
and immovable warriors who will defend and teach the upcoming
generations His truth. We have to defend, and we have to teach,
and we have to do it as much as we can with love and compassion
and hopefully even some empathy. She also says, everyone, no
matter what their marital circumstance or number of
children, no matter what their marital circumstance or number
of children, can be defenders of the Lord's plan described in the
family proclamation, if it is the Lord's plan, it should also
be our plan. That seems like a no brainer, right? When it's
stated simply and perfectly like that, if it's the Lord's plan,
it should also be our plan. But then when you sit down and you
think about the plan, well, what about this and what about that?
And you hear something about this, and then you hear
something about that, and you start to wonder, well, wait a
second, what about this? It really is that simple. It's not
easy, but it is that simple. If it's the Lord's plan, it should
also be our plan. Now, like I said, I don't know which version
of the plan I'm on at this point. I have my husband, I have
my girls, we have our house and our two cars, and I have my
degree. That's maybe I am back in plan a but how many plans did
it take me to get there? How many side streets did I have to
go down? How many surprises popped up along the way? And I
don't know that I would have had Plan A without the other side
streets, without the other plans, without all of that work
and time and effort put into all of those other paths I never saw
coming. I do know that I am part of his plan, and I know that you
are part of his plan, too, and I'm doing my best to find out
where I fit in his plan, what his timeline looks for me. I
don't know. I don't know everything. I barely know some
things I feel like most days, but I do know that i i have the
desire for my plan to align with his, not to have his plan align
with mine. That's an important distinction, but to have my plan
align with his, because I truly believe that if it does, I will
be happier for it. Thank you for being here with me as I keep
trying to learn and grow closer to my savior. Hopefully you are
learning something along the way too, and are, or are at least
feeling something. Thank you for being here. Keep learning, keep
growing, and be of good cheer, until next time, my friends.
Thank you. You.