I wanted to share something about forgiveness that was recently shared with me. I only have it in paper form so I’m also putting it here so I won’t lose it forever.
| Forgiveness is… | Forgiveness is not… |
|---|---|
| … letting go of resentment, anger, and hostility toward someone who treated you unfairly, even though you are justified in having these feelings. | … condoning, approving of, or excusing what happened. |
| … recognizing the wrongdoer is human, and treating them decently despite what they did. | … forgetting how you were wronged, or pretending like nothing happened. |
| … a chance to amend a relationship that was damaged, if you choose to. | … an agreement to continue a relationship as it was. After forgiving someone, you can choose to resume, modify, or end the relationship. |
| … a mental shift, or a change of heart, that develops over time. | … simply saying “I forgive you” without meaning it. In fact, you can forgive without ever saying so. |
| … a process that can start at any time. you can even forgive a person who is no longer in your life. | … something you do for the other person. Forgiveness is for you. |
| … an opportunity to heal. Forgiveness can reduce symptoms of trauma, anger, anxiety, and depression. Additionally, it can increase hope and self-esteem. | … getting even or getting revenge. Getting even might feel good in the moment, but unlike forgiveness, it does not resolve anger and resentment. |
| … a personal decision that only you can make for yourself. No one can make you forgive another person. | … something that can be forced. Just because you want to forgive doesn’t mean that forgiveness has been achieved. |
I should also note the reference – Therapist Aid LLC. This is not original to me.